


Yellow Roses

by Vermilion_Blues



Category: Phan, Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Flower Vomit, Gay, M/M, Suicide, Suicide trigger warning, Unrequited Love, Vomit, Vomiting Flowers, hanahaki, male x male, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-10 19:03:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10445118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vermilion_Blues/pseuds/Vermilion_Blues
Summary: There were a few times when Dan knew he was in love. However, he didn't realize how fucked he was until the flowers came.





	1. Oh, I Love You So Vivi (996 Words)

Dan first realized he was fucked when he first caught Phil stealing his cereal. It was shocking, and surprising, but when he saw Phil hiding in the kitchen, his first thought wasn’t _“He’s eating my cereal!”_ it was, _“I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with you.”_

He jumped back, the loud thump of him hitting the floor startling Phil enough to spill his cereal everywhere.  
“Dan?” Phil called out, but he was already in his room, face red and eyes closed.

The second time it had happened, Dan had convinced himself that it was platonic. That, _of course_ he would want to spend his life with his best friend! He could never see himself getting married anyways, and so he rationalized that of course he would want to live with Phil forever. 

Then Halloween came around. It was time for a baking video. 

By the end, Dan could hardly believe what he was making, he was just hit with the feeling that this, spending time with Phil, it was so right. So normal. So… _perfect._  
It was a while until Dan could fall asleep that night.

By the third time, Dan had realized he had a crush on Phil. He told himself it was small. 

_“Just a little friendship crush.”_ He told himself. _“I’ll get over it soon.”_

But even if he was convinced it was small, he still couldn’t control how he reacted while Phil was around. Whenever they were with other Youtubers, he was all eyes for Phil, glaring at anyone who took his attention away. It was awkward, and frankly pathetic. 

It got to the point where even Louise sat him down to ask.

“You’ve been very rude in your videos lately, and as far as I know I haven’t done anything wrong. Anything to explain?”

Dan winced, trying to think of an excuse that his friend would believe, when he looked into her eyes and felt his resolve crumble. 

“It’s Phil. I think I love him.”

He feels something in the back of his throat.

~ ~ ~

“Phil, do we have any cough medicine?” Dan called through the house, opening and closing cupboards in search of the anything that would cure his itch.

For the past few days, something had been tickling at his throat, soft and solid. 

“No. Need me to go get some?” Dan hears Phil’s faint reply, and he just sighs before telling Phil that no, he didn’t need it that badly.

Of course, Phil didn’t listen, and in a few minutes, Dan was alone. He took his browsing position, back comfortably smushed in his crease, and he opened his laptop.

Then he coughed.

At first he was glad, a bit of the itch had gone away, but then he glanced down into his hand, where a small, white flower petal laid.

  
To say he lost his shit was underestimating it. 

  
After forcing himself to calm down, he quickly told himself that there was no way a flower petal could have been in his throat, and even if it was, he had probably just accidentally swallowed it. 

After coughing up three more, his hands shook as he googles, _“White petals in throat.”_

He clicked on the first link, a Wikipedia page titled _“Hanahaki.”_

_“The Hanahaki Disease is an extremely rare illness born from one-sided love. The patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings and memories of the loved one disappear along with the petals. If the love is returned, the infection will be cured, and ends when the patient throws up the entire flower. If the surgery is not done, and the love is not reciprocated, the patient will eventually be choked to death/ die from suffocation. While it is even more rare than the disease itself, it is known that the second time the patient gets this disease is much worse than the first time, as the symptoms progress much faster, and the death rate jumps up.”_

He froze.

“Choke to death/ die from suffocation.”

_“Choke to death/ die from suffocation.”_

_“Death/ die.”_

He tells himself he’s overreacting, and doesn’t mention it to Phil. 

~ ~ ~

He couldn’t breath.

He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t breath, _he couldn’t breath he couldn’t breath hecouldntbreath_

  
…Oh.

  
He was silent, dizzy from loss of breath as he sat on his knees on the floor. In front of him, laid the small white daisy he had just coughed up. It was covered in blood, surrounded by other bloody petals.

The last thing he remembered before he passed out was that daisies meant true love.

The next morning he woke up on the floor, coughing slightly. He wheezed, attempting to take in breaths but every exhale blew a white petal in front of him. 

He forced himself to cough them up into the trash can by his head, attempting to be silent, as to not worry Phil. He stood up, brushed the flowers under the bed, and began to walk forward, ignoring the feeling of roots in his lungs.

He didn’t want to forget Phil. He loved him to much to do that, but every time he thought the word love, a new batch of flowers would force their way up, along with a wave of blood.

He didn’t want to think about it, so he didn’t. 

~ ~ ~

Phil noticed the daisies. 

_Of course_ he did. 

Dan, after coughing up a fairly violent and large flower, passed out in his bed, flower next to him, instead of cleaning it up. The flower was caked in blood when Phil got home, and the trail of blood that appeared down the side of Dan’s mouth worried him more than anything. 

With shaky hands he googled _“daisies in throat”_ and got the same Wikipedia article that Dan read. 

Dan found a slightly bloody primrose when he woke up the next day, but thought nothing of it.


	2. I Love You So, Vivi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO GUESS WHO IT IS  
> THATS RIGHT  
> IT’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE FANFICTION WRITER  
> WITH A NEW CHAPTER OF YELLOW ROSES TOO  
> PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THIS BAD WRITING
> 
> Tumblr: http://feminine-monarch.tumblr.com/

Dan doesn’t see the signs in Phil, too busy trying to hide his.

Phil sees them both, and he crumbles, trying to find a way to confront Dan.

One day, Dan is pouring cereal, playfully bickering with Phil about Phil’s habit of stealing his cereal when he collapses, the world spinning and he coughs out flowers, sobbing into Phil, who had grabbed him instantly.

Both boys felt the flowers tighten in their chests, a symptom of being so close to their love.

“It’s alright Dan.” Phil muttered into Dan’s ear as he pulled away, and in Dan’s hands he held the largest daisy he had coughed up yet, wheezing slightly.

“Who is it?” Phil asked, and Dan started.

“Who… what do you mean?” Dan asks, gaze on the ground. 

“You know what I mean. Who is it? They aren’t worth keeping around if it means you get hurt.” Phil reached out and tried to cup Dan’s face, but he just drew back.

Phil drew his hand back to his chest before he coughed slightly, one petal laying in his hand. Dan wasn’t paying close enough attention, only aware that he could feel the flowers blooming inside of him, and as he moved back, he wondered how much longer he had left.

“I-It’s no one P-Phil, j-just leave me a-alone.” Dan stuttered out, tears leaving trails down his face.

“No!” Phil shouted, causing Dan to lift his eyes to look at Phil. “No, I’m not letting you die just because you love them! Please, get the surgery Dan. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I can’t forget them Phil! I don’t want to forget them! I can’t just leave them!” Dan shouted back, stumbling back into his feet. 

“Why not Dan? I can’t see you hurt like this.” As Phil finished talking, he began coughing, a small primrose forcing its way out with a trail of blood into his hand.

“Phil…” Dan looked at him, eyes full of worry.

“Please, Dan…” Phil spoke softly, before drawing the boy into a hug.

"I guess neither of us are getting the surgery.” Dan said, taking in the soft scent of Phil. 

“I guess not.” Phil choked out, holding the other boy close to him.

And they cried, both thinking that the other’s flowers were for different people, not knowing their love stood in front of them.  
  
~   ~   ~  
  
For the second time that week, Dan woke up unable to breathe.

This time, however, he made it to the toilet first, and was thankful he did so. Not only did the largest daisy he had ever coughed up appear before him, but the toilet bowl was suddenly stained red with blood that would have taken weeks to get out.

He heard similar sounds coming from Phil’s room, and stood up unsteadily. 

“Phil…” He croaked out, leaning on the door frame. Phil looked up, some blood smeared around his lips, and Dan smiled as he saw Phil pale. He couldn’t imagine how he looked, blood smeared all over his face and hands, tears breaking tracks through the red.

“I just…” Dan took a second in order to get his words together. “I’m not sure how much time I have left.” A tear fell down his cheek and Phil opened his mouth to interrupt.

“And before you tell me to get surgery, just know that I googled it. I can’t afford it. Even if I could, it ends in your forgetting your feelings for the person you loved. I read someone’s story. They said it felt like a piece of their heart had been ripped out.” Dan’s breathing quickened as he began to sob, falling onto his knees in front of Phil.

“He looked at the girl he had loved, and couldn’t even see why he loved her. He began to hate her.” His sight was blurred with tears, and yet Phil’s blue eyes were clear.

“I can’t forget you, Phil.” Phil’s eyes widened as he looked at Dan. 

“It’s you Phil. It always has been you.”

As Dan stood and ran out, Phil felt something in his chest loosen, and he felt he could breathe a bit easier.  
  
~   ~   ~  
  
Dan kept running as far as he could go.

Tears were pouring down his face, flower petals blew out with every exhale, and he knew he looked like shit as he ran through London. He stopped at a park, wheezing as he sat down at a bench. He felt his phone buzz, but he ignored it. It kept going, a signal that someone was trying to reach him. He pulled it out, and he didn’t even have to look at the screen to know that it read Phil.

He placed his phone down beside him, continuing to wheeze.

“Are you danisnotonfire?” A young voice from behind him asked. He forced a smile onto his face, turning to the young girl behind him. 

“Yes, I am.” He breathed out, covering his mouth as he coughed out a few petals. His voice was hoarse and rough, the simple movement hurting his throat. 

The girl narrowed her eyes in concern, looking at him. “You don’t look so goo-”

Suddenly, he fell over, spitting up flowers and blood.

“Dan!” The young girl shouted, echoing through the empty park. “You… are those… you have hanahaki.” 

Dan just let out a breathy laugh, glancing at the understanding look on the girl’s face. She pulled away the scarf that was wrapped around her throat, showing him a few long white streaks that broke around her neck.   
  


“You don’t have the lines yet, but if you’re coughing up flowers as big as that one,” the girl gestured to the daisy below him, tears pricking at her eyes, “then you aren’t very far. My girlfriend loved me back, but the scars still remain. You need to tell whoever it is, or get the surgery. Please.”

Dan smiled darkly, no humor in his voice as he responded, “I told him. And I can’t get surgery. Guess who it is?” 

At that moment, his phone began to buzz, a picture of Phil filling the screen and his name appearing under it. The girl gasped slightly, grabbing his phone before he could decline it and quickly said where they were. 

“You can’t avoid him forever! He’s been looking for you because he cares about you Dan. Maybe a bit more than just a friend.” The fan that had just stole Dan’s phone sat down beside him, waiting with him for Phil to come. “You can’t keep living like this. Just trust me, everything will be alright.” 

The fake smile that Dan had on his face for the past few minutes dropped, and he found himself placing his head into his hands and crying. The girl’s hand met his back, rubbing it slightly.

He didn’t mention how most people would be screaming about Phan being real right about then, he just let himself be comforted as the sound of feet crunching grew louder. 

“Phil-” Dan began, but Phil had already flung himself into Dan’s arms, kissing all over his face. 

“Don’t scare me like that, you spork!” Phil sobbed, kissing Dan again and again.

Dan’s eyes stuttered to a close, holding Phil even closer.

“I won’t Phil.”

_“I won’t.”_  
  
~   ~   ~  
  
The two both knew not to underestimate a shipper, but even they were surprised when low quality photos of them kissing appeared on the internet.

There were pictures of the girl next to them, of Phil practically straddling Dan, and of Phil peppering him with kisses.

Tumblr had blown up, theories about who this girl was, if these pictures were real or not, and if this proved that phan was real.

“We need to make a video, Dan.” Phil said softly a few weeks after the photos surfaced as he browsed through Twitter on their shared bed. “I’ve been trying to act normal, but I don’t know how long this will last.”

Dan knew he was right, and yet he truly wanted their relationship to stay in between them, a private thing just for them. 

But he knew that could never be free if they never told anyone.

“Alright.” He agreed quietly, and rolled over to cuddle with his boyfriend.  
  
~   ~   ~   
  
“Ok, this is quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve had to record.” Dan said, looking into the camera he had set up in his room. He ran his fingers through his hair, clearly nervous. “I’m not even sure if this is going to be uploaded, and if it is, I’m not sure it’ll even be edited.”

He smiled, eyes looking straight at the camera for the first time.

“I guess I should start at the beginning. Long story short, I’m not straight.”  
  


~  ~  ~

  
The video ended up being twenty minutes long, Dan showing his hanahaki scars to the camera, coughing up a few petals on camera, telling of the girl who had helped him, and even bringing in Phil to tell about his hanahaki.  
  
Both boys posted it to their channels, unedited and raw. They watched the video over again, smiling at the end where they had kissed.

  
Once again, Tumblr had exploded.

But, this time, both Dan and Phil accepted it, and they embraced the love and even the hate as it came their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah god this is so bad compared to chapter one  
> anyways i bet you guys are like  
> “erin?? why is this called yellow roses if they cough up primroses and daisys?”  
> WELL YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER 
> 
> PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THAT ONE


	3. Say Goodbye To Me Vivi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold.

_CHAPTER THREE **  
**_

_Say Goodbye To Me Vivi  
_ __  
(1,462 words)

* * *

It took months for them to get their flowers out completely. The petals fell one by one, the pistil came bubbling up in a stream of blood, the blood dyed leaves stuck in the throat and lastly, when you believed the worst was over, the roots came out, tearing at your flesh and slicing the   
nerves in your neck with their long spines.

They were both holed up in the bathroom for hours when the roots came out, first Phil, and then Dan.

After a few weeks of resting their sore throats and lungs, (and canceling a few YouNow livestreams, much to the understanding disappointment of their fans) Phil walked into the house, holding bags, and excitedly hopping up the stairs.

“Dan?” He quietly called out, opening the door to Dan’s room.

There the boy laid, eyes closed, on his bed. Phil smiled slightly, pulling the grey covers out from under him, covering him.

After watching Dan snuggle into the blanket, Phil smiled, walking into the kitchen, pulling out a vase, a bouquet of red roses, and a small, blue velvet box.

***

The first thing Dan noticed was the soft humming of Phil’s voice. Then, he noticed the smell of spaghetti filling the air, and as he sat up, the warmth that was his covers fell, allowing the cold of the apartment to cover him. He felt.. strange, but as he stood and walked into the golden lit lounge of his apartment, he forgot it all.

“Phil…?” He questioned, eyes wide as he stepped into the kitchen. There was bread and spaghetti on the counter, and Phil was cooking something that looked like sauce and meatballs in the pot in front of him.

“Dan! You’re awake.” Phil smiled, causing Dan to smile back. “I just realized earlier that we’ve never had our first official date, and I realized that I could actually try to cook! But…” Phil trailed off. “I realized I couldn’t cook anything fancy, so I’m just making spaghetti.”

Dan smiled, looking at the food in front of him. Phil had bought flowers, and candles, and it looked beautiful. Dan felt himself tearing up, and as he kissed Phil, he felt at peace, like this is where he was meant to be.

Dinner- although it wasn’t particularly good, for the pasta was slightly overcooked and the sauce was strangely seasoned- was the best thing Dan had ever eaten. He and Phil had laughed and joked all through dinner, and once he had eaten his last bite, Phil offered him his arm, and they took a walk through London.

The night was dark, and yet as Dan stood next to Phil, staring out at the city lights, he realized that the person next to him lit up the sky in a brilliant and passionate explosion of colors, and Dan, thinking back to when he first thought he was in love with Phil, realized he was once and for all, truly, deeply in love.

“I love you.” Dan muttered, staring at Phil who looked at the lights. He turned slightly, a blush on his cheeks.

“I love you too, Dan.” He responded, and Dan felt his heart soar into the clouds as he kissed Phil.

But something felt different.

~   ~   ~

“You know, daisies mean true love, and innocence.” Dan slipped into their conversation as they passed a patch of flowers. “And primroses mean, ‘I could never live without you.’”

After a strange look from Phil, Dan stopped and looked at the flowers that laid in a box on a window. The box was full of a variety of roses, mainly yellow and red, which surrounded a patch of daisies and primroses.

He swiped his finger across the red petal of a rose, before plucking it and quickly sticking it in Phil’s hair, securing it behind his ear.

“There.” He said, smiling. Phil smiled back, before grabbing a yellow rose and sticking in in Dan’s hair.

“You’re such a flower nerd.”

“Yeah, but I’m your flower nerd.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s hand, lightly touching his face and bringing him in for a kiss.

~   ~   ~

“Ugh.”

“You know, you’d probably feel better if you actually ate something.”

Dan looked up, shooting a weak look towards Phil, who was holding a bowl of soup for him. “It’s not my fault I’m sick!”

Phil sighed, smiling softly at Dan before placing the bowl down on the nightstand. “I know dear, but please, try to eat something, and get some rest.”

Dan grumbled, laying down on their shared bed.

“You’re the best, you know?” He said, looking at Phil.

“I know. Now get some rest.”

~  ~  ~

When Dan woke up a few hours later, Phil was on the phone next to him.

“Tonight? But Dan is sick…”

Looking up at blearily eyes at his boyfriend, he felt himself sleepily wondering what he was talking about.

As he woke up fully, the full force of his sickness reached him and he groaned softly, blinking his eyes to clear them of sleep. When he opened them at last, he saw Phil looking at him, with a slightly worried, (or possibly just upset, Dan’s mind mused) expression on his face.

“You alright babe?” Dan asked groggily, still tired from his nap.

“Yeah, listen. PJ is having some kind of get together tonight, and I’m not sure if you can go, since you’re so sick.”

Dan waited for him to finish, and when Phil stayed silent, he sat up slightly.

“So? You can still go, right?” Phil looked slightly apprehensive, and Dan sighed slightly. “Just because I’m not going to be there doesn’t mean that you can’t go, or that you can’t have fun, Phil. I promise I’ll come if I feel better later.”

With that, Phil’s worried expression dropped, and as he laid down on the bed he snuggled up behind Dan, pulling him close. “You’re the best, you know that?”

With a small, joking smile, Dan cheekily replied, “I know. Now get some rest.”

~   ~   ~

A few hours later, it was dark out and Dan woke up in an empty bed.

When his eyes adjusted, he noticed a small piece of paper besides him.

_“Dan <3,_  
_I went to PJs party, sorry for not waking you up. You just seemed so cute lying there!_  
_Please please eat something, I don’t want you to feel worse :(_  
_And remember to text me if you need anything!! You’re more important to me, not this party._  
_I love you!  
_ _~ Phil”_

With a smile, Dan swung his legs over the bad before stumbling out to get some new soup and some medicine. Although he didn’t feel good in the slightest, he noticed that he felt slightly better and smiled.

As he made chicken soup, he texted Phil, letting him know that he was wake, and to have fun. Phil just responded with a smile. Putting on an old Attack On Titan episode for background noise, Dan snuggled into his sofa crease and began scrolling through Tumblr.

One hour later, the medicine had kicked in and Dan felt great. Sitting up, he ate the last few noodles of his soup before grabbing his phone, checking his messages before remembering the hours before.

_“I promise I’ll come if I feel better later.”_

With a small sigh, Dan stood up, pulled on his coat, and began forward. He didn’t bother texting Phil to tell him that he was coming, thinking of it as a happy surprise.

He didn’t notice the slight tickle in his throat.

~   ~   ~

“Hey PJ!” Dan called out when he stepped into the house, not noticing that it was full of people he didn’t know, and the smell of alcohol.

PJ looked over, and with a small gesture he pointed to a hallway and mouthed something similar to, “Phil’s that way.”

With a teasing face that Dan hoped said, “Maybe I won’t spend the whole night with Phil,” he began walking down that hallway.

He coughed slightly, feeling something in his throat and hoping that the medicine wasn’t wearing off.

Opening the first door in the hallway, he frowned when he saw a bathroom.

Phil obviously wasn’t in there, but it looked like some very drunk person had been a few minutes ago.

He quickly closed the door, opening the next one.

There was no one in there either, just one person who was passed out on his side on the bed.

Closing that door, he stood in front of the last door on the hallway with no hesitation, knowing that this was where Phil was supposed to be.

He rested his hand on the door, coughed slightly, and swung the door open.

And

All

He

Saw

Was

_Gold._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was only supposed to be three chapters but...

**Author's Note:**

> Read this on my Tumblr: http://feminine-monarch.tumblr.com/


End file.
